


A Walk in the Woods

by panchostokes (badwolfrun)



Series: Ficverse: Parker and Madison Stokes [4]
Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Father Nick Stokes, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Little bit of angst, Nick Stokes Whump, Nick doesn't like hunting and spills the tea on his life to Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-23 16:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19705306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfrun/pseuds/panchostokes
Summary: Nick goes off the beaten path during the Annual Stokes Hunting Trip, and pays the price for it, going from hunter to prey as he falls into a trap that opens old wounds, which he discusses with his son, Parker.





	1. The Show-Off in the Spotlight

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is about hunting, there is of course, some descriptions of it, but not in the usual level of detail that I tend to write, in terms of the uh, animal violence that comes with it. 
> 
> A bit short, but it's just the beginning.

It was his first time traveling outside of Texas. His first excursion on the annual tradition of the Stokes men, a hunting trip in Colorado. “Where a boy becomes a man,” as his eldest brother, Todd put it to him. Todd was there to snap a picture of a young, eager Nick Stokes, age 12, when his father told him the great news. 

Nick hadn’t been able to sleep, he was too excited, one of his other brothers, Stevie equated the experience of going to Disney World—another trip the Stokes family would embark on later that same year. A year of travel, of exploration.

He was happy to finally be allowed to come on this trip, considering ever since three years ago, bad things happened while his father and brothers were on the trip. Last year, all of the women in the house were just...insufferable, to say the least, all coming down with the same illness, screaming at Nick one minute, then fawning over him the next. Year before that, Nick broke his leg, he was goofing around with his friends a little too much. 

The year before that...well, he doesn’t like to think too much about the night he spent in his darkened room, covering his body with a blanket, waiting for his mother to come home. 

His brothers always seemed a little happier after the trip, rejuvenated, the weight of the world off their shoulders. 

“Besides the hunting and hiking we just...talk. Hell, Dad doesn’t even care if we talk bad about the family, or him. Says it’s stress relief, whatever happens in the woods, stays in the woods,” Todd told him as he filled Nick in on what to expect. 

“I thought that was Vegas?” Nick asked. He always wanted to go to Vegas.

He had wondered if maybe this trip would be an opportunity to share what happened with his father. No way that...monster could know what he says in the middle of the woods somewhere in Colorado...right?

There was something about the deep, dark woods that made him believe maybe it wasn’t outside of the realm of possibility. He had never been in a forest like this one, never seen mountains that loomed far above him. He looked down over the edge of a cliff, licked his lips nervously. Long way down.

“Aw, is little Nicky scared?” his brother Steve teased in a mock-baby talking voice as they trudged through the woods to find their campsite. 

“No, Stevie!” Nick blurted out. “I’m not scared!” 

His fingers balled up into a fist, he was going to show Steve how not-scared he was. 

“Boys…” a warning tone, from Cisco. He shot his two youngest sons a warning glance. “Keep it up, you’re sleeping with the wolves tonight.”

He had said it sternly, seriously, but gave Nick a wink, which eased his anxiety a little. An empty threat, meant as a joke, but Nick would be lying if he said he tread carefully for the rest of the night, avoiding any more disputes with his brother. 

“He’s just jealous, he got all the attention last year,” Todd whispered to Nick. “Since it was his first time last year. Little Stevie loves the spotlight.”

“Yeah, he does,” Nick giggled.  _ Stevie Stokes, the show-off in the spotlight _ . The alliteration made him burst into a fit of laughter. 

“What’s so funny?” Steve asked as Todd caught on to Nick’s contagious laughter. 

“Nothing...This is just...so  _ awesome!”  _ Nick exclaimed. His initial fear was gone, the once intimidating height of the trees turned to a challenge--he hoped he’d be able to climb them, despite the echoed warnings from his mother inside his head telling him not to. The looming shadows were exposed, wildlife hopping and running out of the darkness, he had never been this close to this many animals before. 

But it was the sounds of birds that really put his mind at ease, he looked up and saw birds he had only seen  _ pictures  _ of before. He stopped and just stared up at the sky for a few moments, allowed himself to be lost in the winding tornado of birds in the trees above. 

“Pancho, you coming?” his father called out to him. 

Nick didn’t respond right away, trapped in a weird sensation of disconnection from his body. An oddly elevating feeling, he felt like he was floating upwards, wings spread out beside him. He couldn’t even remember why they were out there, didn’t even care. He had never been so happy in his life, not that he could remember.

“Nicholas Parker!” his father shouted, and Nick fell back to the earth, the smile wiped off of his face, and he was worried again, his father only used his middle name when he was in trouble…

He nodded for Todd to go ahead with the rest of the boys, put a hand on Nick’s shoulder, reached behind a hand to his backpack. Nick’s eyes widened in concern, but his father revealed a pair of binoculars that he placed into his son’s hands.

“I was gonna wait until we started the hunt, but, what the hell. This might make it a bit easier to see.”

A smile spread from Nick’s face to his dad’s, if Nick didn’t know any better, it was like a Christmas morning, or his birthday. 

“Thanks, Cisco!” 

“Come on, let’s go catch up to your brothers. Uncle Mike is waiting for us to set up camp.”

The next morning, after Nick was given the talk on gun safety, he was given a shotgun. It felt heavy in his hands, but it made him feel powerful at the same time. A force to be reckoned with. A force that he was shown, first hand, as his Uncle Mike shot down a bird flying overhead with very little effort. Nick was shocked at first, though he had seen dead animals before, he never quite saw  _ how  _ they died. 

" _I_ _t’s not a toy,_ ” was the last thing his father told him, words that stuck with him long beyond the hunting trip, before they broke off into groups. Given that it was Nick’s first time, he stuck with his father and Steve, who was still in “training,” according to an eavesdrop of hushed whispers between his father and his uncle. 

Nick was a natural tracker, pointed out the small details that apparently flew over his father and brother’s heads. His father encouraged him to lead the way, an honor bestowed on only the most experienced Stokes men, from what Todd had told him. Pride filled Nick’s chest as he silently moved through the forest, focused on the task of tracking down a deer--considered to be the “training targets,” while his older brothers were tasked with tracking down an elk. 

“I see it!” Nick whispered behind him. “Shh--it’s right up there!” 

“Good job, Pancho!” Cisco exclaimed. “Now, take aim…”

He raised the gun, lined up the barrel with the deer that was too busy eating to sense the danger just a few feet away. Young Nick Stokes, with everything to prove to his brothers, to his fathers, to  _ himself _ , was about to show that he was  _ not scared _ . He was a  _ man.  _

“Steady, steady...put your finger on the trigger...and... _ pull _ .”

He had his finger on the trigger, but something stopped him from pulling it. Something made his entire body freeze, his heart felt light, fluttery, water was starting to cloud his eyes. If he pulled that trigger, the deer would fall. Fall like the bird did from the sky. All sense of life gone, motionless, its insides spilling out onto the earth. 

“What’s taking so long?  _ Pull the trigger!”  _ Steve whispered impatiently. It was annoying, Nick knew he just wanted  _ his  _ turn. 

“It’s okay, son, just squeeze your finger…” 

But Nick’s finger began to shake instead of squeeze, and he lowered the gun, shaking his head. 

“I can’t,” he whispered to his father in a strangled voice. 

“Figures,” Steve scoffed, and raised his gun, pulled the trigger. Cheers and whoops from the distance, intended for Nick, but as he always did,  _ Stevie Stokes stole the spotlight.  _

* * *

He didn’t want to go, not really. It was hyped up by all of his uncles, all of his cousins, but nothing about the “Annual Stokes Hunting Trip” appealed to him in the slightest. He didn’t particularly mind being outdoors, but couldn’t imagine being outside for an entire  _ week _ , let alone a few hours, surrounded by men who cared about nothing but hunting down innocent animals, ending lives, drinking beer and “bonding.”

“I wanna gooooooo,” Madison whined, tugging at Nick’s shirt. 

“I toldja, sweetheart, it’s for boy’s only,” Nick replied, brushing her hair with his hand. “Don’t you want to go shopping with Aunt Catherine and Aunt Sara?”

“Yeah, but...Why can’t we all go together? You always talk about seeing all of the amimals!” 

“ _ Animals,”  _ Parker corrected his sister. Her childish mispronunciation always irked him. “Besides, we’re just gonna kill them, anyway, Uncle Stevie said so.”

“That’s not true, Park, we’ve been over this, buddy,” Nick started in a stern tone. Parker’s nostrils flared, lips twisted into a daring smile. Maybe if he got just a  _ little _ more under his father’s skin, he wouldn’t have to go on this stupid trip. “I tend to stray off the beaten path on these trips…”

A knock at the door, and just when Parker thought things couldn’t get worse,  _ he  _ showed up. Madison seemed to forget about begging and ran to the door with a loud, eager gasp. 

“ELI!” she screamed, thrusting the door open and hugging Eli Brown, as he dropped his bags. 

“My, my, little Miss Madison! You grow an inch taller every time I see you,” Eli remarked, twirling the little girl in a hug. “You might even grow taller than Uncle Nick.”

“At this rate, it’s gonna be you who’s taller than me, Eli. You’re gettin’ to be as tall as your Dad was,” Nick chuckled, shaking Eli’s free hand. “Safe drive?”

“Of course, yeah, yeah. Mom says hello, and thanks, for getting me out of her hair for the week.”

“Causing trouble for your Mom again? Eli!” Nick scoffed in mock disappointment. 

Parker rolled his eyes. His dad always  _ fawned  _ all over Eli. An entire week of hearing Nick talk about how  _ great  _ Eli is, how much he reminds him of his dad, how he’s so  _ proud _ of the man he’s becoming…

“Speaking of troublemakers, where is he?” Eli asked, he bent over the couch, loomed above Parker’s head, as Parker continued to focus on his GameBoy. “Yo, earth to Park.”

He didn’t have an older brother, but if it was anything like this, he didn’t want one anyway.

“Hi, Eli,” Parker responded in an uninterested monotone. 

“Alright, you ready boys? Sam! Where are ya, c’mon, boy!” Nick whistled. The grey-haired German Shepherd trotted into the room, nuzzled his hand under Madison’s head.   


“I’m gonna miss you,” Madison cooed to him, rubbing his head. 

“I told you sweetie, it’s just for a week--”

“I was talking to Sam, I’m mad at you, Daddy!” Madison pouted, crossing her arms.

Nick just laughed, calling his daughter’s bluff. 

“Okay, I love you, too, baby. Have fun with Cath and Sara,” Nick told her, waving Parker and Eli out the door in front of him. He snapped his fingers and Sam broke away from Madison, positioned himself at Nick’s side.

Madison purposefully didn’t look at her father, her eyes closed and lips pursed, but peeked an eye open as Nick began to walk out the door.

“Be careful!” she blurted out, her bottom lip quivering. 

“Careful is my middle name, Maddy. Besides, with Eli, Park and Sam along for the ride, what could possibly go wrong?”   
  



	2. The Troublesome Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parker goes on a roller coaster of emotions, as tension rises and comes to a breaking point as Nick disappears into the Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussion of animal violence, some hurtful things said to a boy who just really loves dogs but don’t worry...justice will be served. Also, this fic is gonna be longer than I anticipated lol so double the chapters!

His batteries died about three hours into the twelve hour car ride. He was allowed to bring his GameBoy, but not his cell phone--nobody was allowed to bring their phones, and for the fact that the battery of the GameBoy wouldn’t have lasted longer than the car ride, anyway. He threw his head back against the seat in frustration and boredom, how could anybody survive twelve hours, strapped down into some sort of physical stasis, unable to move with nothing but their own mind to entertain them? 

Nick and Eli seemed to have no trouble with the daunting task, chatting about Eli’s life, Nick telling Eli how proud he is that he’s doing so well, that he’s going to school, that he has a job, living the life that his father would have wanted for him. Blah, blah, blah. The same dialogue that Parker has heard all of his life, in regards to Eli Brown. He wishes he could just skip through it. 

Even Sam had seemed invested in the conversation, he was allowed to roam free in the car, though Nick would tell him to sit back right before a sharp turn, so that the poor dog wouldn’t lose his footing. Otherwise, Sam would perch himself between the driver’s and passenger’s seat, which earned him praise from Nick and Eli, who would take turns rubbing the top of his head as they continued to talk.

About halfway there, they stopped for a bathroom break, Nick was walking around with Sam, allowing him to take as much time as he needed to go to the bathroom. Eli and Parker waited by the car, stretching idly. Parker was grateful for the silence, he felt drained from just  _ listening  _ to all the talking, though found that his unused voice was hoarse when he took the rare initiative in asking a question to Eli.

“So...these trips...do you guys really kill…?” Parker asked hesitantly, clearing his throat. He knows his father told him that they wouldn’t, that  _ he  _ wouldn’t, but he had convinced himself that was a lie to convince Parker to come. That the minute they showed up, he would be given a gun and told to “prove himself,” as his cousins had described.

Eli smiled and shook his head. A stupidly handsome smile. He could hear his dad’s voice complimenting it, telling Eli how much he looked like his father. 

“Nah, bro--”

_ I’m not your “bro…” _

“That’s not Uncle Nick’s scene. He and I usually just go hiking, taking in the sights. We usually find a spot to just sit and...watch. He’s got his binoculars, I got my sketchpad. It’s really relaxing, you’re gonna love it. Beyond that, we get to just...talk. About anything. Everything. It’s a huge release.”

Parker nodded, grateful that he didn’t have to  _ actually  _ participate in the hunting. He had seen his dad armed with a gun before, but couldn’t imagine seeing him in the same way he’s seen his cousins playing with BB guns at the Stokes Ranch during the holidays. He couldn’t imagine himself in that way, for that matter. 

“You know, he’s really happy that you’re coming with this year. Never stops talking about you,” Eli leaned on Parker’s shoulder casually, to which Parker reacted by attempting to shrug him off, but was too distracted by the shocking words Eli told him to notice. 

“Really?” Parker muttered. Eli winked as Nick walked towards them, beckoning them all back into the car.

“Alright boys, we’re halfway there!” Nick shouted as he and Sam got closer, in a sing-song voice that made Eli beam with joy.

“Ohhhhhh-oh! Livin’ on a prayer!” Eli sang back, he and Nick fell into a head-banging dance of joy.

“Take my hand, we’ll make it, I swear…” Parker sang hap-hazardly, unsure if he would ruin the moment by joining in, but another surprise, as his dad looked at him in wonder, and continued the song.

The next six hours of the car ride were filled with Parker joining in on the fun, and he thought to himself, maybe this trip wouldn’t be so bad after all, maybe Eli wouldn’t hog all of the attention from Nick like he normally did, maybe the hike would be as relaxing as Eli made it out to seem.

Maybe he could finally tell his dad all the things he wanted to say to him, no holds barred, all cards on the table. He could tell him  _ everything _ . 

They parked on the outskirts and unpacked most of the car, it was a short hike to the campsite that was already in the usual state of chaos Parker was used to walking into during their visits to the Stokes Ranch, except void of the high-pitched, playful screams of his female cousins and sister. Just loud mouthed, goofy boys. 

“Still got that dog of yours, Nicky?” his Uncle Steve remarked, shaking his father’s hand. “Dog’s older than young Billy here!” 

“Yeah, well, this dog’s got as many lives as I do. Doesn’t know when to quit. Just like me,” Nick added in a playful growl, gripping his brother’s hand a little tighter than needed. A small twitch in his eye went unnoticed by Steve Stokes, who moved on to shaking Eli’s hand eagerly.

“Eli! Nice to see you again, Jesus--you’re gettin’ to be as tall as Nick!” Uncle Steve joked, patting his brother on the top of his head. Parker knew that his father wasn’t exactly “short” but he was the shortest out of his brothers. He could tell he wasn’t too happy about being teased about his height. “That, or maybe young Parker here is gonna be towering over you some day! Get over here, Parker!” 

“Hi, Uncle Steve,” Parker murmured sheepishly, allowing his body to be encompassed into a bear hug.

“You know, boy, you don’t have to stay behind your Daddy all weekend, you can come hang out with the big boys, if ya want,” Steve whispered into his nephew’s ear. “Otherwise, you’ll miss out on all the fun…” 

Parker looked over to his younger cousins, running around, talking, laughing,  _ having fun _ as they got things ready, nets and arrows and loaded guns. If he didn’t know better, he’d think they were preparing for a battle.

“Nah, I’m good, Uncle Steve. Thanks, though.” Parker muttered, but his uncle had already broken away from him, to go playfully shout at his own children as they were tying up their other cousins to a tree.

“Pancho! There you are!” an older, rougher voice cut through all the white noise. Nick winced, somehow a once comforting, pleasant nickname brought a sense of alertness, attention, and adrenaline. But, he plastered a smile as his father got up to greet the last of the hunting trip party. “What took you so long?”

“He got lost,” Eli nudged Nick in the shoulder, before walking over to Todd, who greeted him with a hand shake into a hug. 

“Course he did. Good to see you, Eli--and there he is, man of the hour! Park!” Another tight hug, this time from his grandfather. “C’mere, it’s time you’re given ‘The Talk.’”

“The...talk?” Parker looked to his dad, who just nodded encouragingly. 

“UNCLE NIIIIIIIIICK!” 

Two young boys ran up to Nick, Billy and Jake, twins, aged thirteen. Steve’s kids. Always a year ahead, Steve Stokes. 

“Did you bring your gun!?” Jake asked excitedly.

Nick cleared his throat, slightly uncomfortable with the question. Of course he brought his gun, his 9mm pistol which he carries with him  _ everywhere. _

“Yeah,” he sighed, taking it out from behind his back. He held it out for the boys to see. He did promise them last year, that he would “bring it this year” (though he had the gun with him at the time, but they were too distracted by having their first opportunity to hunt to  _ really  _ prod their uncle. 

“Whoa!”

“Cool!”

“It’s just like a cop’s!” 

“Have you killed anything with it?” Billy asked in a gasp, reached out for it, but Nick took it away. 

“ _ It’s not a toy _ ,” Nick reminded him, avoided the question. The boys’ faces fell, discouraged, and Nick felt a twinge of regret for ruining the tone, but being asked the same question all of these years was really starting to get on his nerves. He should have never told his family about the restaurant incident. “Here, wanna see something funny? Here, go put this--” He reached into a pocket and pulled out a dog treat. “--Into your father’s back pocket.”

Jake distracted his father as Billy did just that, and then the boys returned to Nick for the punchline.

“Watch this...Sam!  _ Aller chercher la friandise _ !”

It took Sam no time at all to find the treat, and soon he was digging into Steve’s back pocket, nearly taking his pants off of him to an uproar of laughter from the Stokes men.

The camp was set up and dinner was made before the sun dove down beneath the trees. Parker yawned, exhausted from the long drive and sudden exertion of energy, and happily dove into the tent as Grandpa Cisco bid everyone good night.

“Alright, boys, tomorrow comes early! Y’all get some shut-eye, we leave at the first sight of dawn.”

Parker wrapped himself up in his sleeping bag, his body felt comfortable, but couldn’t seem to keep his eyes closed. His head was turned to his dad, who was staring straight up at the top of the tent with a clenched jaw. He closed his eyes, seemed to mutter something, before rolling onto his left arm, away from his son. Parker pursed his lips, furrowed his eyebrows, his weariness faded into a determination to watch his father, who seemed unable to get comfortable.

“First night’s always the roughest,” Eli whispered from behind Parker, nearly making him jump out of his bag. “I can’t sleep either.”

Typical nerves that come with sleeping in another place away from home, Parker understood that enough. He’s never quite gotten used to hotel rooms, during vacations, or to his father’s childhood bed during the holiday stays in Texas. He knew he would struggle sleeping on the ground, but didn’t think his dad would. He thought of all the hotel rooms, shared rooms in family’s guest rooms. Either Parker or Madison were given the comfy bed, his dad would take the chair or the floor, but would always fall asleep sitting up.

_ Maybe he doesn’t like being on his back? _

“He’ll toss and turn for a bit, probably won’t get a whole lotta sleep, but he’ll be okay. Might hear a scream or two.”

Parker’s eyes widened, unsure if Eli was joking or not.

His eyes would have widened even more, as his dad rolled over to his other side, wincing a little, shutting his eyes tight. Still muttering, Parker couldn’t make out what it was over Eli’s gentle snoring. 

_ Guess Eli was more tired than he let on _ .

“Dad?” The quietest whisper, laced with concern, somehow seemed to ease Nick out of his restless dreaming.

“Park? You okay, buddy?”

The crinkles of Nick’s face softened into a loving look of concern at his son, as he cupped a hand onto Parker’s cheek. Nick’s eyes darted all over Parker’s face, mapping out the replacement of what he thought was the source of an imaginary fan.

“Yeah, Dad, I’m fine. Just...can’t sleep,” Parker muttered sheepishly. “Too excited,” he added, in an effort to cheer his dad up, though he wasn’t really all that excited.

It worked, a half-smile spread across Nick’s face. 

“Me too. Gonna be a long day tomorrow, though, try to close your eyes…” He stroked his son’s cheek as Parker eventually fell into a dream of a long drive, just him and his dad, sharing a comfortable silence as they watched the road disappear behind them.

He hoped that the events of the next day would be just as peaceful, but a wake-up call from Jake and Billy whooping loudly started him off in an irritated mood. His mood didn’t get any better, as Jake and Billy continued to berate their younger cousin. They had already claimed their first victim, an innocent squirrel, shot down from a tree by Billy’s homemade sling-shot.

“Scared you might hurt something, Parker?” Billy sneered, not seeming to understand Parker’s love for animals. “They’re gonna die anyway, we’re just putting them out of their misery.”

“Yeah, and back in the olden days, our ancestors needed to hunt to survive!” Jake backed his brother up.

“Oh,  _ please _ , like you know anything about ‘the olden days.’ Didn’t you have to go to summer school for history, Jakey? Besides, guns aren’t toys. A-and death isn’t some sort of...game.” 

“Says the boy who  _ lives  _ in video games.”

“And who’s dad is a cop!”

“Yeah, but video games aren’t real! And my dad  _ isn’t  _ a cop. He’s a scientist.”

“Well, our dad told us he’s shot someone before. A few people, actually.”

“Yeah, shot them dead.”

Parker balled up his fingers into a fist, breathed fast and deep through his nostrils. 

“He...I’m sure he  _ had  _ to do it.”

“What, can’t handle the fact that your daddy isn’t as perfect as you thought he was? Pfft.” 

“I never said he was perfect--”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t shot your dog yet, he’s getting pretty old. Our dad put our oldest one out of its misery, before it started suffering really badly.”

Parker was  _ fuming _ , he wanted nothing more than to shove his cousin off of a cliff, wound him, let him run around injured,  _ chase  _ him, make him feel the same fear that they put those poor, harmless animals through with their damn hunting.

He was about to raise his fist, push it into Billy’s face, when a hand on his shoulder made him release his grip. For a second, his heart leapt, he thought it was his dad--but he turned around, and saw Eli, with a stone cold expression on his face. 

“Boys, this weekend is supposed to be about having fun, and well, it looks like to me that we’re not having fun right now, are we? Don’t wanna get Papa Cisco all cranky, do we?” 

Eli’s words brought a cooling wave of silence over the hotheaded boys. Billy dramatically stomped his foot on the ground before running a hand through his hair.

“Whatever! We’re going to have so much more fun than you guys, anyway!” Billy scoffed. 

“Yeah, have fun with your bird watching and stupid drawings!” Jake cried out as they began to run off their excess energy around the camp in some imaginary game.

“Hey! Eli’s drawings aren’t stupid!” Parker shouted back to them. He took a few deep breaths, dug his head into his hands, turning away from all of the adults, who seemed unaware of the entire argument. Even if they were, it was only natural for young boys to “duke it out,” as his Uncle Todd would put it. They wouldn’t have paid attention to  _ what  _ it was about...unless Parker did get his hands on Billy. 

“Thanks...but I don’t need you to defend me,” Parker muttered as Eli pat him on the back. 

“Can’t help it. You’re like a little bro to me, Parker. From what I gather, brothers stand up for each other.” 

Another pat on the back, which rocked Parker a little forward as he sniffled and nodded to Eli, who walked back towards the other adults.

Parker stood alone, watching  _ the two troublesome twins-- _ he almost wanted to smile at the alliteration, get his other, younger cousins to join as the adults continued to exchange stories, laugh,  _ have fun _ . Parker felt so out of place, not belonging in either group. Why did he even come here?

“Hey, buddy, you ready?” 

Nick’s voice startled his son, who quickly wiped his eyes.

“Y-yeah, let’s go.”

“You all right?” 

“Yeah, Dad, I’m fine. Let’s go.”

Nick bent down a little, made direct eye contact with his son. For some reason, Parker thought he saw a flash of blood spatter on his dad’s face, from the victims he’s shot down, hopefully in the line of duty. 

“I’m _ fine _ ,” Parker repeated in a snarl. He brushed past his dad, picked up his backpack from the tent. “So, where’re we goin’?”

His accent was getting thicker, an accent he only had from being around his family for so long. An accent that was only obvious when he was upset. Nick inhaled deeply, tried to fight down the urge to interrogate his son, on why he was all of the sudden so gloomy.

_ He is a preteen, after all _ . 

“We’re gonna go this way. Yo, Eli! Let’s roll!” 

Nick and his boys started their hike, though Todd, Billy and Todd’s son Flynn followed closely behind until they reached a crossroads. Nick and Todd had made friendly idle chit-chat, discussing what trails they wanted to go on throughout the week, asked each other about their jobs and families.

Meanwhile, Parker and Billy exchanged offensive gestures.

After a final, silently spoken curse word to Billy and about thirty minutes of distance from the cretin, Parker was starting to feel better, calmer. Nick would occasionally stop the group, pointing out birds perched on branches, Eli snapping photos of various wildlife and general forest aesthetic. Sam trotted along, sniffing the ground, attempted to eat things that Nick would tell him to spit out.

Parker, meanwhile, was imagining that he was in a video game, that he had a user interface in front of him, picking up rocks, sticks and berries and placing them into his “inventory.” 

He was finally at peace, finally  _ enjoying  _ himself, when he heard a gunshot in the distance--if he didn’t know better, it had almost sounded like thunder, followed by an uproar of cheers and whoops, to which Nick, Eli and Parker did not join in. Sam had stopped, alert, but Nick released him with a command.

“First kill,” Eli told Parker, a deer caught in headlights. He moved to put a hand on Parker’s shoulder, ground him back to the earth before he flew away into a panic, but Parker shrugged him off before his fingers made contact.

“Whuh-Why are we even on this trip, if we’re not hunting with them?” Irritation laced in his voice, embarrassed that a stupid gunshot had startled him.

Nick knew this question was coming, and yet he still didn’t know what to tell him.

“Tradition,” he said simply.

“But, you don’t even  _ like  _ it!” 

“Yeah, but the family does. Sometimes, you do things for your family, even if you don’t want to. It’s just part of loving them, I guess.”

“Yeah, but there’s loving Uncle Todd and Uncle Steve and Papa Cisco and then there’s  _ killing  _ harmless, innocent animals!” Parker protested. Nick and Eli kept walking, kept silent, let the young Stokes vent out his frustrations. 

“A-and I get it, you know, I get we eat animals, I get we eat fish, and cows and chickens but, I just...don’t get killing things just for, what? Tradition? I mean, what’s so  _ fun  _ about that? Why would you make such a violent act a  _ tradition? _ ! Those animals did  _ nothing  _ wrong--”

“Well, to play devil’s advocate, sometimes they do hunt predators--” Eli began.

“Yeah, and that’s just like killing a serial killer, or something. Still doesn’t make it right. You’re still a killer.”

“Sometimes, it’s kill or be killed, Parker,” Nick finally spoke, in a low voice. 

Silence from the group, a fever built up inside Parker, something rose up his chest, and flew out of his mouth, his heart had barely had time to catch up to it. He stopped walking, Eli and Sam stopped a few moments later, noticing that he had fallen behind. 

“You would know, wouldn’t you,  _ Dad? _ ” Parker spat, letting his frustration get the better of him before he had time to  _ think  _ about what he was implying.

Nick kept walking, silent, didn’t say a word. Eli shook his head and kept walking, Sam circled around Parker to his side, nudging him to keep going.

“Billy told me! He told me you’ve shot someone--Not even an animal, a  _ human!”  _ Parker shouted to his dad, who was more than a few feet ahead at this point, almost  _ running _ . 

“Drop it, Park, it’s not the time,” Eli shouted in a hushed whisper.

“I thought part of this trip was to finally tell the truth, say what’s on your mind?” Parker bellowed loudly. “C’mon, Dad, just tell me!”

He could just barely see his dad in the distance, could just barely see as his body suddenly sank into the earth. A loud gasp, a shattering shriek, the sound of something  _ cracking  _ in the air, louder than the gunshot he heard a few minutes ago--Did his dad vanish in the air? Shrink down to the ground? Fall off the edge of the cliff? Parker’s heart was pounding with the possibilities of what might have happened, and he began to run towards the source, to investigate.

He was once again grabbed by the shoulder, dragged slightly backwards, as he nearly fell into the hole, himself. The hole that his father had landed in, a hole that was more than six feet deep--maybe twice that? It might as well have stretched all the way to hell itself, for all Parker cared. His father was trapped, bleeding from the head, his leg bent in a position that he’s only seen Madison achieve with her dolls--it was definitely  _ not right. _

“Dad!” Parker screamed down into the hole, for some sign that his father was still alive, because everything seemed to pulse along with Parker’s body, he couldn’t tell if his father was breathing or not.

Nick didn’t respond.


	3. Down in a Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets shared, between a broken man and his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nick's gonna talk about the babysitter incident, so warnings for mentions of sexual abuse. 
> 
> Also, I may have cried while writing this, so you may cry while reading it.

He was going to show him. He was going to show him how talented, how unafraid, how  _ strong  _ he was. He was playing the big game, a game more appropriate for his skills.

He had gotten up before everyone, the sun was just barely beginning to creep up on the edge of the horizon. He grabbed a backpack, packed the essentials, grabbed a shotgun, and headed off into the woods, through the path he had seen his older brothers take the day before.

He followed the tracks on the ground beneath him, focused the tufts of fur caught in branches, stopped, listened for any noise that wasn’t his own breathing. The pathway was filled with evidence, and he knew exactly where to look.

He could feel like he was getting closer, but also felt that something was following him from behind. He turned to look over his shoulder, lost his sense of direction, tripped forward. 

A loud gasp transformed into a scream as he heard a crack of thunder in the air, felt the ground give out beneath him. His fingers grasped onto loose dirt, he was swallowed by the earth. As his body bounced between four walls--one of which felt rough and ragged, perhaps it was stone--his body expanded, stretching out his fingers, his arms, his legs. He was no longer a twelve year old boy running off on a mission through the forest alone, but a fully grown adult man, who just fell into a pitfall trap. As the fall came to an end, he felt something  _ snap  _ in his leg, as the disrupting noise came to an abrupt end.

The pain was so intense, he couldn’t even lift his eyes open. Some liquid type substance was pouring from his forehead down along his face, spilling into his mouth, coated his teeth. The pain in his leg extended beyond where he  _ thought  _ his leg would be, though he had a feeling his leg may have been displaced from where it should be.

“Dad!” 

Beyond that, he felt as if something was trickling down onto his arm, solidifying next to his skin. Something soft, grainy, but in large amounts, became compact, difficult to move through.

He moved his arm, sifted the pile of dirt off of his body. His heart fluttered against his rib cage, he began to wheeze, his eyes snapped open as he expected more dirt to fall onto him, but he finally released the trapped breath in his body as he found that while he was surrounded by dirty, he wasn't  _ enclosed  _ in it. 

His hand moved to his face, touching the source of a sharp pain in his forehead. Brought his hand in front of him for examination, it was covered in blood. 

“Daddy?” A panicked, broken cry floated down onto him along with a ray of light. 

His eyes shuttered closed immediately, blinded by a bright light shining down at him. A spotlight, he was being watched. Under a microscope, his suffering always on display for the world to see. He gulped down the threat of rising nausea, he raised a shaking hand up to shield himself from the light, instinctively raised his gun up towards the source. His finger was squeezing the trigger, when another voice bellowed from above, in unison with the voice from earlier, which was now crying.

“WHOA, THERE! Uncle Nick, it’s just us! Parker, get back--” 

“Dad, please! No!”

His son. His son was crying. He pointed a gun at his  _ son, Nick Stokes you fucking idiot, you almost just shot your own godamn child.  _

He dropped the gun, it clattered onto his broken leg, which enticed a loud, pained moan from his body.

“S-sorryyyyyy....” he grunted, though his words were not enough, never would be,  _ enough _ . He opened one eye to look at the damage, immediately closed it as he thought he saw a bloody spike of bone sticking out of his torn pant leg. Blood was trickling into and out of his mouth, his head felt heavy, his body pinned to the ground. He just wanted to sit up.

He began to pant, trying to hold back the waves of pained sobs that were rising up in his chest.  _ Buck up, Pancho, big boys don’t cry.  _

High pitched whining preceded a dog’s bark, directed his attention upwards, to the top of the pit, away from his broken body. Three blurs, a tall adult-sized one, a small animal-sized one, a short child-sized one came into slight focus, he tried and failed to identify them properly, they kept waving back and forth, though they were watching him like hawks. The tall hawk looked familiar, looked like a close friend...

“Rick! Rick, you gotta get Cisco--” he shouted. Grissom would know how to get him out of this hole, he got him out of the last one. “Take-take Sam with you!” 

“Who’s ‘Rick?’” the boy cried out. Nick could just barely see thick eyebrows raised up, bent in concern. The boy looked so much like he did, at that age. 

“‘Who’s Rick?’ My best-- _ our  _ best friend. Warrick Brown. You’re gonna love him…” Nick told the young Nick.

The young Nick, who was not really Nick Stokes, but his son, Parker, was utterly confused as to why his dad was telling him that he was going to love Warrick Brown, a dead man.

“Oh, shit, this is really bad…”

“You think!?” Parker blurted out in a high pitched squeak.

“Looks like he hit his head, he must have a concussion…” Eli muttered, ignoring Parker’s comment. “We need to go back for help.”

“I’m not leaving him!” Parker protested.

“Good, because you need to stay here with him, keep talking to him.” 

“But...what do I say to him?” 

“You’ll think of something, just keep him talking, keep him calm. There’s a  _ lot  _ of blood, he’s not thinking straight.

_ Neither am I. _

“Hey--you got this. Okay? Uncle Nick needs  _ you _ ,” Eli squeezed Parker’s shoulder. Sam started to lick Parker’s face, licking the tears away. 

“Y-yeah. Okay. Okay,” Parker mumbled, sniffling, wiping his eyes dry. Time to grow up.

“I’ll be right back, with help, we’re going to get him out of this hole and to the hospital, okay?”

“All right, just--just go do it then!” Parker shoved Sam and Eli off of him, looked back down into the hole, down at his father, who was writhing like worms in the earth. 

“Hey, Eli!” Parker shouted as Eli and Sam started to jog away. Eli halted to look at the young Stokes child. 

“B-be careful... _ bro _ .” 

Eli flashed a quick smile, and he and Sam disappeared beyond the trees.

Parker’s attention returned to his father, who was staring up at him, or at least, it looked that way. He could just see the white of his eyes through all the blood on his face. Parker observed where his head was cut open, the stone wall to the left of the pit, he saw the stain of blood on the jagged edges of stone.

His dad started to move his arms, put one hand on one of the dirt walls for leverage—some dirt was still pouring from the point of impact, where he had bounced like a pinball against the walls of the hole. Nick tried and failed to sit up, his hand brought down part of the wall with it, earning more 

“Try not to move so much, Dad! The dirt will fall, you’ll be buried alive!” Parker advised. 

“Yeah, been there done that…” Nick called back in a low voice, Parker wasn’t quite sure what he heard, but was asking more in disbelief than for repetition due to low volume.

“What?”

“Been buried before! Nothin’ like this…”

“Whu--Like...like buried at the beach?”

“No,” his father shook his head. “Kidnapped. Held for ransom. Least there’s no ants this time…”

“Ants? Is that why you don’t--”

“Box was so  _ small _ . Don’t worry, we were given a fan, to supply air. But...but the fan was connected to a light. Light was connected to a…” 

His father’s voice trailed off into silence. Parker was frozen in shock, wondering when this had happened to his father. He seemed almost nonchalant in his speech, though that could be a symptom of his head injury. He remembered when Madison hit her head against a door frame, after playing a game of tag inside the house-- _ That’s why we don’t run in the house, Park, Maddy-- _ how she was confused, subdued, and yet, started crying at something as random as an ice cube falling to the floor.

But this sudden revelation, of a kidnapping, a burial, something having to do with ants...the pieces of the puzzle of his father were falling into place, and Parker couldn’t help but have a morbid fascination, a desire for more knowledge. And yet, he didn’t want to take advantage, didn’t want to stress his father out, pressing for more about the terrible things that had happened to him. 

Nick seemed to still be looking up, at Parker, blinking, and then his head drooped down, stared at his leg. Muttered curse words that would fill up the jar on the counter at home. Loud breathing, which Parker sensed was building up to a scream, he tried to distract his father from the pain. 

“D-Dad?”

“Parker?” 

“Yeah, Dad, it’s me.”

“Oh.”

More silence, but Parker felt relieved that Nick seemed to recognize him as his son, and not a younger version of himself.

“Does...does it hurt?” Parker asked, not knowing what else to say to his father. 

“Yeah. Hurts a lot,” Nick grimaced. 

More silence, Parker licked his lips, wondering if now was a good time to tell his dad, the secret burning inside his heart, to get validation, that his father would love him no matter what happened.

“I’m sorry,” his dad’s voice cracked, right before Parker was about to say something.

“For what?”

“I pointed my gun at you!” 

“I mean, yeah, but...but you were scared--”

“No excuse. I’m  _ sorry _ \--”

“Dad, it’s okay. Just breathe.”

“It’s not okay. Not okay…”

He tried to shift his position again.

“Don’t wanna be on my baaaaaack!” he cried out in pain as he inadvertently moved his broken leg. Loud, frustrated panting, he balled his fist, pounded against the wall.

“Dad, NO!” Parker screamed, fearing that his father’s actions would cause the hole to collapse on top of him. The square hole seemed like an inverse Jenga, one wrong move would cause the structure to collapse in on itself. 

A loud, cruel laugh bellowed from the pit. 

“What’s so funny?” Parker asked, not even attempting to hide the anger in his voice. Why would his dad  _ laugh  _ about this horrendous situation?

“This...this isn’t even the worst thing that’s happened to me, bud.”

_ Well, being kidnapped and buried alive seems like it’d be the worst, anyway… _

“I’ve been...thrown out a window,” Nick grunted, he sat up fully, a hand found the stone wall next to him. He leaned towards it, tried to lift himself up. “Shot at, stared down the barrel of a gun so many times it feels like home…”

His fingers grasped onto the edges of the stone, tried to hold on but his grip wasn’t complete.

“Actually  _ been  _ shot, blown up once or twice, we covered the kidnapping thing…”

“Dad, don’t try to stand, your leg--”

“A-and  _ still _ , none of that compared t-to that one night…” he groaned, as he was successful in leaning on his good leg, but it couldn’t support his weight, he slid down, turned so he could lean against the wall--he didn’t want to be on his back, on top of an invisible bomb, held down against the earth by the looming threat of gravity, ready to crush him with the very earth he lied upon. 

“You wanna know why I go on these trips? When I was nine, sssssomething happened, an-and,” Nick shut his eyes, fighting the tears from the pain, of his present physical predicament, and the recondite repressed ransack of his childhood. It was hard enough to even tell Catherine, the first, and who he thought would be the last person he’d ever tell, let alone telling his own  _ son _ .

“This woman, she...she was supposed to look after me, take care of me, and instead she... _ touched _ me. I-in ways that no adult should touch a child, and, and Park, I try, I try  _ so hard  _ to make sure nuh-neither you n’ Maddy even come  _ close  _ to…”

A hitch in his breath, he felt something drip onto his cheek, looked up to find tears raining down onto him. Between his son’s tears and his own, the blood was getting wiped off his face, and he wanted nothing more than to scoop up his boy in his arms. But he couldn’t. He was trapped down in a hole, with a broken leg, a broken head, a  _ broken heart  _ and couldn’t do  _ anything  _ but sit there and watch as his son was forced to grow up beyond his years, watch his hero bleed out into a puddle of traumatic memories, watch and do  _ nothing.  _ Just... _ watch _ . 

“And I guess...I guess that’s the reason I go on these trips, cause that night,  _ nobody  _ was there, half of them all were on this stupid trip. Sisters were all busy with their lives, sleepovers and work and whatever. Mom...Mom has an emergency, and couldn’t take me with and so…I figured, when I was old enough, I’d start coming, to be surrounded by family, be... _ part  _ of something, a-and Cisco...Cisco, he--I never told him. I never told  _ anyone _ but there was this...understanding, of that. Even though I didn’t like the killin’ part of hunting, they still want me here. Cause they love me, just like I love you.”

Parker disappeared from view, and Nick nodded.  _ Give him his space, that was a lot for a twelve year old boy to hear, probably doesn’t even understand most of it.  _

Distant sniffles and cries. Nick closed his eyes, already determined to add this to the list of things he just wanted to  _ forget  _ about. He wiped a hand over his face, across his eyes. 

“Is that...That woman the person you killed?” a meek voice asked somberly. Nick looked up, the young version of him was standing at the top, fists clenched in determination for answers, for justice, though silent tears were still streaming down his face, a softer, emotional side shining through the darkness. 

“No,” Nick told himself flatly. “No, I…”

He owed him the truth. Owed  _ himself  _ the truth. 

“Four.”

“Four what?”

_ Three souls I’ve taken _ .

“I’ve shot...and killed...four people.”

He sniffled, stared at the gun he used to kill those people, sitting just within reach. A phantom pain twinged his shoulder, screams and shouts echoed in his head. Gunshots--bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,  _ bang _ ricocheted around him.

“The first one, he was this, uh, serial killer, which we dubbed ‘Jekyll.’ I, uh...he sh-shot the officer that was with us, then...he shot me. Thought I was dead, but I wasn’t. Emptied my clip into him, I was so... _ scared. _ ” 

“The next guy, he...he pulled a gun, we had no choice. But, it was so soon after...I think I just...I emptied my clip, because I thought if I didn’t, I’d get shot again, o-or somebody else would have…”

He gulped, remembering Catherine’s grip on his shoulder, the eye contact, the advice from her, the phone call he made while staring at a fetal pig in a jar of preservatives.

“And then, that guy’s--that guy’s brother, this...little punk, he tried to kill me, tried to kill a lot of people...oh god,  _ he was just a kid. _ ”

His voice dissolved into a sob. Sure, that kid had stalked him, messed around with him, nearly blew him and his house up, but  _ he was just a kid _ . Just a few years older than his own son. Forced into a situation of life and death, without a true understanding of how the world works, of the consequences to his actions. His life, taken from him, because he tried to take the life of others.

He remembered what that kid looked like, but for some reason, he couldn’t help but see Parker, dressed in the same jacket, same haircut, holding a gun towards Nick, a fearful expression in his eyes. He screamed at the memory of himself, pulling the trigger along with Greg, along with all the other cops who were there that day, pleading to them,  _ don’t do it _ .

“The...The last guy, he...He was holding this girl, god, she was so  _ young _ . Had a knife to her throat, and refused to put it down. I tried  _ everything _ . I tried to talk him down, but he just...wouldn’t give her up…”

He remembered what the man looked like, but for some reason, he was envisioning a thirteen year old version of Madison.

A loud scream emerged from his body, at the painful, twisted images in his head, at the painful, twisted sensation of his broken leg. He deserved this.

When he opened his eyes again, Parker was sitting at the top of the hole, his legs dangling in, hands grasping the edge. More tears were raining down onto Nick, yet he also sensed an empathy, an understanding from his son that they didn’t have before. That’s all he ever wanted at his age, after all. Answers. The truth. 

“Dad…”

“Yeah, bud?”

“Would...would you still love me, if--” he began through a nasally voice. He rubbed his face, breathed the contents of his runny nose back into his body.

“I will  _ always  _ love you, Park, no matter what,” Nick emphasized. “No matter what you did.”

“It-It’s not what I  _ did _ , exactly, it’s...it’s more of...how I-I  _ feel  _ about things, a-and it feels...it feels  _ wrong _ .”

Nick’s heart sank. He wondered if his son was about to call him every blasphemous term in the book, call him a murderer, tell him how he could have resolved all of those situations peacefully, without having to pull the trigger. Nick’s spent the last few decades of his life thinking the exact same thing.

Or...what if his son was going to reveal something that had happened to him, just as he had tried to reveal to his dad, years and miles away, in a similar but vastly different situation? The void in Nick’s body that wasn’t writhing with pain was instead filled with dread, holding onto his last breath until Parker spoke again. 

“I think...I think I’m gay.”

Nick’s heart fluttered upwards, relieved, thankful that the secret Parker told him was one of love, instead of one of trauma. Fluttered upward, that his son trusted him enough to confide in him, something that he seemingly has told nobody before, even though Nick feels like he had always known this about his son regardless. 

But the feeling sank back downward, realizing it took for Nick to open up about terrible, horrible experiences for his son to feel comfortable enough to open up about this, something that he  _ shouldn’t  _ feel is worth repressing, as Nick represses his own feelings. 

“Parker Roger Stokes, there is absolutely  _ nothing  _ wrong with that. Love transcends beyond...beyond gender, it’s--it’s all about connection, connection between two  _ souls _ .”

“E-Even love that’s...that’s not just like, the love I have for you, or Maddy?” 

“Yes, Park, even that love.”

Both men inhaled a shuddered, unsteady breath. Nick’s fingers twitched. He wanted to grab onto Parker, hold him tight, wrap him up in an embrace, cling onto him, so that he would never forget that no matter what happened to  _ either  _ of them, he would always love him. Always support him.

Parker’s fingers shook, one hand ran through his hair, the other rubbed at his watery eyes. A burning fire inside of his heart, tormenting him, a secret he had been conflicted over telling his father about for years, because he wasn’t even sure if the feelings he had were real, or just some misconstrued feeling of friendship, but here he was, sitting on the edge of a precipice, he wished he was able to tell his father under better circumstances.  _ Dammit, Park, now’s not the time for that _ ! Echoed through his head, like an error message, popping up in his video game, when he does something he shouldn’t do. His father had just poured out his entire soul to him, and here he was, offering up this relatively small piece of hardship, when his father just dumped an entire truckload onto him.

“I’m...I’m sorry,” he cried.

“Sorry, what’re you sorry for, buddy?”

“It’s...This...This is nuthin’, compared to--”

“Oh, Park…” 

Guilt spiked up in Nick’s heart. 

“You are the  _ most important thing in this world to me, you hear?”  _ he called up to his son, who was rocking back and forth, his head buried into his hands, which were no longer holding the edge of the cliff. Nick had stopped crying, tried to impart all the strength he could muster into his words, offer it up to his son, he needed it more than he did. 

Parker moved to get up, but blinded by his tears, unable to completely grasp his footing, he slipped, and fell into the hole, his scream echoed down, but Nick had no fear, he outstretched his hands, yelped as the young boy’s body fell into his arms, some weight falling onto his broken leg--oh, god how that  _ hurt _ \--but he was happy. Happier than he had ever been in recent memory, as he held onto his son, who curled up onto his chest, sobbed into his shirt. Happy that he could connect with his son in this way, a way they had never quite been able to before, a catharsis that seemed to make the weight of his albatross just a little lighter.

“I got you, buddy. It’s okay, I got you,” he whispered to Parker, cupped his head in one of his hands, brushed the hair out of his face and planted a kiss on his son’s forehead. 

“I’ll always be there for you, no matter what.”


	4. Time Heals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation, between a father and a daughter, a father and a son.

Billy and Jake Stokes were banned from going on the Annual Stokes Hunting Trip for the rest of their lives. Faced with the gruesome result of their “harmless prank” that had been intended for Parker, they confessed to everything--both children painfully aware of the fact that had they built a proper trap, it could have ended  _ much worse _ . They were both chastised for their sickening behavior and disrespect of the “honor” of hunting. They had even been “grounded for life,” though Nick knew that phrase was an empty threat, having been told many times in his adolescence the very same thing. 

The trip was ended abruptly, as soon as Nick and Parker were lifted out of the hole. Parker had not fully detached himself from his father until he was forcibly removed at the hospital, at which time, he found himself embraced by Eli and Grandpa Cisco. 

Many tears were shed, some even from Grandpa Cisco, who Nick had joked, “gone soft in his old age,” which lightened the mood, as he always strived to do in situations such as these. Parker had to wonder how many other times his father’s humor was instead a cover-up of the pain he held inside. 

Nick had shed a few tears on the way home, as he laid in the back seat of the car. He was filled with pride, that his son had handled the whole situation the best a twelve year old could handle such a terrifying sight. That Eli had taken charge, seemed to have even taken Parker under his wing. That Parker was not only talking to Eli, but  _ engaging  _ with him. Nick would never admit it--he had felt guilty, for sometimes being a bit too invested in Eli and not including Parker in conversations, but had always, maybe a little selfishly, wanted Eli and Parker to become what he and Warrick once were. Best friends.  _ Warrick would have loved Parker. _

But all of the tearshed combined from all of the Stokes men couldn’t match up to the crying of Madison Stokes, as Nick hobbled through the door on crutches, a bandage wrapped around his head. She had stumbled backward, her lips quivering, her body shook with a whimper as Nick avoided her eyes. He knew this would happen, he heard the concern in her voice when he had spoken to her on the phone to tell her that they were coming home early. He knew his daughter seemed to have inherited his more...expressive side to his emotions, as she was prone to extreme outbursts of emotion, on all aspects of the spectrum, but hearing the sound of her crying had hurt more than the physical pain of his broken leg.

“Wh-What ‘appened?” she asked as Parker helped his father to the couch, pulled over an ottoman to rest his leg up. 

“He fell,” Parker told her as he ran to get a glass of water, for Nick to take his painkillers with. He cursed his short stature, had to get a stool to reach the shelves that held the glasses.

“Fuh-fell where?”

“In a hole, in a forest…” Parker mumbled, it was taking forever for the water to pour into the glass. “Into a trap... _ that was meant for me,”  _ he added in a low whisper. Weighted by guilt, he nearly spilled the water as he ran back to the living room. Madison followed quickly after, her hands shaking, wanting to help, her eyes already wet with tears that were about to burst through the floodgate. 

“I-I-I-I...tol-told...yuh-you!” she blubbered. Nick, a little dazed, raised his eyebrows up in concern. She stepped towards her father cautiously, though Nick had pat the space next to him on the couch for her to join him. “You...you were s’pposed to be-e-e-e-e care-fuh-ful!” 

“Maddy, it’s okay, honey, Daddy’s okay, c’mere,” Nick cooed to her, pulled her closer to him as she reached the edge of the couch. He cupped the back of her hand, the strands of her hair slipping through his fingers. Her fists clenched at his shirt, she made the cloth almost uncomfortably tight against his skin but he didn’t mind. She sobbed--nearly  _ screamed _ into his chest, filling the void that he felt against that particular part of his body after Parker was detached from him at the hospital. Her breathing was quicker, shorter, almost hyperventilating.

He tried to keep his own voice steady as he softly sang to her, one of her favorite songs, “You’ll Be in My Heart,” which had eventually soothed her into a gentle hiccup-cry, before she lifted her head, with wide eyes to look at him with a small, sad smile on her face, which made him  _ melt _ . 

“There now, all better?” he asked her in a whisper. 

She nodded.

“Do you wanna go show me what you bought with Aunt Catherine and Aunt Sara?” 

She shook her head, clutched his shirt tighter.

“Do...you wanna tell me what Uncle Grissom taught you about rhino beetles?” 

She shook her head, her bottom lip still quivered, her little chin wobbled.

“Do...you want to watch a movie?”

She nodded, got up to grab the remote to the television, before scurrying back into Nick’s arms. 

“What do you wanna watch?” 

“‘Tel Transvania” she mumbled. 

"Okay," he replied softly.

Nick put on “Hotel Transylvania” and the two were at peace, he sang along with Dracula as he sang to Mavis, even doing an imitation of a vampire’s growl--at which point he showered Madison’s neck with soft kisses, which sent her into a fit of giggles. 

About halfway through the movie, Parker, who had been unpacking and entertaining Eli, came into the room. 

“Hey, Dad, Eli and I were thinking we could go get a pizza or someth--”

“NO! You’re not taking Daddy away!” Madison cried out. She jumped out of Nick’s arms to point a finger at her brother, before wrapping her arms protectively around Nick as if Parker were going to drag him away from her. The sudden movement startled Nick, he winced, grunting in the pain of the commotion that disrupted his resting body.

“Mads, that’s not what I meant--” Parker started, holding out his hands in defense.

“You broke Daddy!” she yelled at him, at which point Eli ran into the room. “He can’t walk no more!”

“Hey, now, Maddy, there’s no need to go yellin’ at your big brother. It wasn’t his fault,” Nick started, before Madison put a finger on his lips. 

“You were s’pposed to protect him, ‘member?” Madison yelled to her brother. A frown on his face, his thick eyebrows curved upward, he began to stumble backward, falling into Eli.

“Park and I will go get some pizza, bring it back here,” Eli addressed the couch-dwellers. Nick nodded, still reeling from the fact that his children had apparently made some sort of secret pact about protecting him.

Once Parker and Eli had left the house, Nick paused the movie, Madison groaned.

“Maddy, what’s going on, sweetheart? Talk to me,”

Pursed lips shook as Madison detached herself from her father, crossed her arms and looked away. 

_ Maybe she’s just scared.  _

“You know, I broke my leg once, a long time ago, I was just a little younger than Parker.” 

“You did?”

“Yeah, but I got better. Couple weeks, this cast will be off my leg, we can go walking through the forest together.”

“But...what about your head?”

Nick sniffled, wondering if a six year old was really concerned about Nick’s existential state of being, or if she just mean the physical laceration on his head, which was wrapped up in a bandage. 

“My head will be alright,” he replied softly. “Time heals all wounds, Maddy.”

Madison turned around, Nick’s heart fluttered as her fierce expression softened, and she fell back into his arms.

“Now, what’s this promise you and Parker made all about?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Madison replied, she reached for the remote in Nick’s hands.

“Ah, ah, ah, little missy--” Nick responded, lifting the remote out of her reach.

“You say that to  _ me _ when you don’t wanna tell me something!” Madison protested, which just made Nick laugh. “Besides, it’s a secret!”

“Okay, fair enough. Tell me when I’m older.” 

He pressed play, and Nick had never felt so whole, despite being a broken man.

* * *

Finger on the trigger. 

He was going to do it.

He was going to show Stevie that he wasn’t a coward.

He was going to prove himself, he was  _ ready _ . 

Burning water around his eyes, he inhaled a deep intake of air, closed his eyes. He tried not to focus on the big, powerful elk that was in his aim, but rather, on the image of that terrible woman, the one that he had hoped this trip would make him forget about once and for all. 

“Buck up, Pancho, big boys don’t cry.” 

The words of his father startled him, he almost dropped the gun, but instead froze up in fear that he would be further ridiculed, for flustering around instead of firing the gun and winning the game.

“You did good, kid, tracking down a beauty like that elk over there.  _ Impressive _ .”

Cisco crouched next to him, though Nick didn’t meet his eyes.

“I...I can do it,” Nick muttered.

“But...you don’t  _ want  _ to,” Cisco deliberated.

A hitch in his throat, his bottom lip began to tremble. He waited to speak again until he was certain that he could say a single word without blubbering.

“No,” he affirmed, still trying to somehow merge the face of the elk with the face of the babysitter, maybe that would make it easier.

“It’s okay, son, you don’t have to,” Cisco told him, placing a hand on top of the gun. 

“I just...I just wanted to make you proud,” Nick muttered, as his father took the gun out of his hands. An explanation, to an unspoken question, of  _ Pancho, what in the hell are you doing here? _

“Son, there is nothing that would make me prouder,” Cisco began, he grabbed Nick by his shoulders, turned him to stare at him directly in the eye. “Than you being  _ yourself _ . Not some...idea of who I would  _ want  _ you to be.”

“Yeah?” Nick asked, a sheepish smile spread across his face.

“Yes. I promise.”

A pat on the back, pushed him closer into his Dad’s chest, a tight hug, which Nick returned, as he struggled to fight back the tears in his eyes. 

“Now, tell me, Pancho, what’s been on your mind? Feel like you haven’t been yourself lately.” 

This was it, this was the moment. He could spill the beans, confess, tell him  _ everything _ that happened that one terrible night three years ago. He could see the livid lines on his father’s face, feel him get dragged back home, feel his mother clinging onto him, in a courthouse as his father sentenced that wretched woman to a life in prison for her crimes. He felt the anger they would hold towards her, the out-pour of sympathy onto him, grief, that their little boy had been ruined by a poor taste in judgement, a badly timed emergency--he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, it wasn’t their fault, but they would feel like it was, for the rest of their lives. It was his cross to bear, not theirs. 

“N-nothing. I’m fine,” Nick sniffled, averted his eyes from his father. His father stood up, tall, towered above him. Nick wondered if he looked even half as menacing when he was in the courtroom, serving out justice to terrible people. 

“Well, Pancho, I want you to listen, and listen well. Time heals all wounds, and when you’re ready, I want you to know,” 

A hand on his shoulder, and then another, rooted him to the spot, to the earth. A slight shake, to get him to look at his father dead on in the eyes once again. 

“I am here for you, and love you, no matter what.”

Nick nodded, and shut his eyes tight, fighting the sob that was rising through his chest, before his father lifted it out of him, lifted him up off the ground, wrapped his arms around his body, and Nick wrapped his arms and legs around him in return. Cisco let him cry it out, no comments about “big boys” to be made, because his eyes were burning too, something swirling in the pit of his stomach which told him his son had been through too much already, too much for any one man to go through in his life. 

But he also knew that his son, Nicholas Parker Stokes, the most pure heart he had ever seen in his lifetime, was ready, for whatever else this world had to throw at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Look out for the sequel, currently untitled, coming soon ;)


End file.
